There are days, I suspect we all have them, when we struggle to feel grateful for anything. On paper we know we are blessed and fortunate, but on the inside of us we get mired down in real life and the gratitude we instinctively know we have, can’t break through. Today is one of those days for me.
If called upon, I could offer up an easy list of the things that I am despairing over. Examples might be that winter is raising her fist at me, calling in the wind to roar and rage at the windows and doors, trapping me inside even though I had no where to go, holding me hostage. Or that our Canadian men’s curling team is clinging to a spot in the semi-finals at Sochi, but there is a tension between them that makes me uneasy and I’m having difficulty watching them play. Surely they are grateful for being in Sochi, but maybe the pressure to win is squeezing the hell out of their gratitude.
Another thing. I am in house-cleaning mode and two kittens and a dog are at my feet at every turn. I’m sure I am grateful for their love and interest in my activities, but there are limits it seems. While I was scrubbing, Casey was perched on my back, purring in my ear, checking out my progress. Finnegan thought he would have a ride on the back of my hand as I swiped back and forth and Gracie thought the attention lacked balance so would level it out by sticking her face in my face and exhaling dramatically.
I’m now in my office, with the door shut and headset on so I can’t hear the calls of protest and curiousity and the whining and meowing version of: “Let me in!”
It reminds me of taking a bath when my girlies (aka daughters) were little. I had a lovely big over-sized corner tub and while I was bent over washing my hair under the tap during my luxurious private soaks, inevitably some little girl would slip into the tub behind me, slip her cold little hands around my neck and lie her face on my back.
I was ever so grateful for that then, but now, from a distance, my gratitude has turned to longing. I guess I can thank said kittens and dog for reminding me.